Nihao, vegans, vegetarians, and veggie voyers. Here's what I'm doing: watching Alien on mute and laying down how to make an all-vegan version of General Tso's chicken for you, your friends, and your friends' friends! Mmmm tasty! This one came off a little rushed, so the pictures aren't perfect, but here's a french sci fi short to make you forget all about that!
Before we start, I've got to admit that vegan fried food imitation has reached a new pinnacle elsewhere. I had some hopes to do something like this, but I never dreamed of so perfect a double-down doppelganger. Stay in touch for my easier-to-cook but not quite as involved alternative.
Ok, back to the General. Recipe details:
Prep time: ~30 minutes in a rush or with friends; longer otherwise.
Stovetop units required: 3-4.
Serves: 6-8 (halve everything in the sauce and only use one packet of Seitan for a 2-3 person meal)
You will need the following things for frying:
1/2 cup all purpose flour (APF)
1/2 cup corn starch
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp Lowery's seasoned salt
1/2 tsp sugar
1/2 tsp paprika
1 Cup cool water
2 T canola oil
And for your sauce gather these:
6 T canola oil
4T chopped green onions
6 chopped cloves of garlic
2T shredded ginger
:)
4T cornstarch
( :)
1.5 Cups Vegetable Stock
4 T tamari sauce
1 T tomato paste
5 T granulated sugar
5 T brown sugar
1 T MSG (oh yeah, I cook with MSG, just to dispel the vegans are healthy myth. Pick this awesome flavor enhancer up at your local Asian food center and add liberally to all dishes)
@@@:)
4T water MIXED WITH 2T cornstarch
2T Cock Sauce
2T white cooking wine
2T apple cider vinegar
That's a lot of stuff! but we're not done: you'll also need:
3 8oz packages of Seitan (I'd recommend cubed West-Soy brand, traditionally seasoned. Or see the PS for Katy's Killer Kubes recipe)
A vat of oil
Two heads of broccoli.
Now for instructions. This is where things get hairy; start by prepping your fry batter and opening your seitan packages. Chop the green bits off of the broccoli and wastefully discard the stems, preferably outdoors. An ideal cooking division involves RED TEAM frying and BLUE TEAM making the sauce while monitoring the broccoli and rice.
RED TEAM : To prep the fry batter, just mix the dry ingredients (everything before the water), then add the water and oil, whipping enthusiatically. Dip your seitan chunks in here before frying. You'll want to start heating the oil now too--it's hot enough when drips of batter rise immediately to the surface. Red leader may want to start frying exactly when Blue leader starts cooking his onions. Fork the chunks out of the oil when they're crispy and golden-brown, then drop them onto a paper-toweled plate.
BLUE TEAM: This will be a bit hairy. If you haven't started the rice yet, you've already fucked up. I'm not going to tell you how to make your rice, so get to it. Start water boiling to steam your brocolli; you'll want to hover the broccoli over the boiling water in a colander for about three minutes or until it's nice and soft but Don't Do That Yet, I Will Tell You When To Do That.
Pop the oil in a pan, and then add everything before the ':)'. That's this stuff:
(except for the chopped seitan, you should let RED TEAM handle that).HOLY SHIT THE ALIEN JUST JUMPED OUT OF THAT DUDE'S CHEST!
Ok, wait for the onions and garlic to get all soft and clear, and then add the 4T cornstarch; stir. You're doing great! Add everything between homer and marge--'( :)' and '@@@:)'--and stir like a maniac. (That's veggie broth, tomato paste, tamari, sugars, and MSG).
NOW drop the broccoli filled colander over the boiling water! Great! Is your blood pumping? No? Yell at RED TEAM and make sure they're almost done with the frying. Power trip. Add the remaining sauce ingredients and stir psychopathically, not forgetting to keep an eye on the broccoli. This is what things should look like:
While the sauce is thickening, grab the broccoli off the back burner, because it's probably done now, and stick it in the bowl you set aside just for greenery.
THIS is the rendezvous point for RED TEAM and BLUE TEAM. As soon as the sauce thickens from the cornstarch (you'll know), start dumping in the fried hunks of seitan. Add about five or six at a time, stir them around, and pop them out:
Great job, you! You're done! Once you eat this, you become an official General of Satan. If you've got any sauce left after you coat the seitan hunks, pour it over the broccoli and the rice (did you forget the rice? Is it burned? Awwww. AWWW). Serve everything up separately and allow folks to combine as desired:
PS: Ripley is now embroiled in a whitey-tighty clad duel with that giant phallus, so I don't have time to do a whole how-to on Seitan making. While you wait, here's the recipe I used to home-make Seitan for a pure from-scratch Tso's experience, thanks entirely to Katy Meadows. Midweek I'll post my breakfast sausage recipe and include cooking instructions to go along with Katy's great ingredients:
2 cups gluten flour
4 cloves garlic, minced
1 tsp whole fennel seeds
1 ½ tsp ground cumin
2 tsp paprika
2/3 tsp ground nutmeg
1 ½ tsp ground sage
¼ tsp dried red chile flakes, plus more to taste
2 tsp sea salt
¼ cup canola oil
4 tbsp tamari
1 cup water
4 pieces single-layer cheesecloth, cut into 6x4-inch pieces
4 cups vegetable stock or water
2 cloves garlic
2 bay leaves (these last things get poured over the seitan, which is wrapped in the cheesecloth, for an hourlong bake at 400 degrees))
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