Vegan Dragon Wings

Hello vegan kids and veggie supporters. Today we're going to learn to make deep-fried vegan dragon wings, buffalo style, and with spiciness from wild to mild! This is all vegan, perfect for planet-earth watching parties, and serves 6ish.

Gather:
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
1/4 cup bread crumbs
1/2 teaspoon ground cayenne pepper
1/2 teaspoon paprika
1/2 teaspoon cumin
1 teaspoon seasoned salt

These things

Mix all of these wonderful tasty things together in a bowl.

Get two packages tempeh, cuz that works best. Chop it up into finger-sized chunks (~15 per package) and dip each chunk into a bowl of fake egg (I use EnerG Egg Replacer, but I've heard you can do magic with flax seeds--you'll need the equivalent of 2 eggs). Then, roll the fake-egg covered wing-substitute in the flour and spices. MMMMMM. Now put all these flour-covered wingy fellas on a plate and refrigerate them for an hour or so (this isn't really necessary, but it helps the flour stick).

Good Job, You! We did it!

Heat up some oil in a deep fryer, pot, or pan. I use canola oil for this sort of deal--you need enough for the wings to be totally submerged and you need oil with a decently high smokepoint, so don't go with highfalutin' oils made from olives or grapeseed; peanut and vegetable oil are great, corn oil is ok.

Also, gather:

Everyone ought to have at least two hotsauces in the home.

1/2 cup Texas Pete hot sauce
~3/8 cup vegan margarine (Earth Balance or Willow Run)
5+ cloves of garlic
2 teaspoons lemon juice
2 teaspoons of vegan (WIZARD BRAND!) worcestershire sauce (optional)
1 teaspoon whiskey (optional)
1 Tablespoon Cock Sauce (Sriracha), or to taste (you heat loving maniacs)
1 Tablespoon Brown Sugar (Honey vegans may use honey here)
1/4 teaspoon liquid smoke
a little bit of black pepper.

This group of stuff will make medium dragon wings. To bump these up, double or triple the dose of Sriracha. To scale things back, drop the cock.

Heat the butter in a saucepan on low heat (NOT the oil pan); when it melts, add the garlic. When that's softened up and all translucenty, add the hot sauce and everything else (NOT including the flour and shit in the fridge; leave that out). Let all of this simmer uuuncovered. Capisce?

Now get ready. Your pan oil should be popping. Here's a test: flick water into it--does oil jump the heck out onto your face? Because it should. Be careful.

Start dropping the wings in the oil. The should be poppin' and sizzlin' so that you can't even see them after you drop them in. When they're golden brown, fish them out with a fork and put them on a plate (if you have a fry basket, this is way easier). Put a paper towel or cloth on the plate for to soak up the oiliness.

They should each fry for a little less than two minutes. Once you've got a bunch of them out, stop the simmering of the buffalo sauce (that's what is now in the saucepan) and dip the wings in it. It should have been going for at least 10 minutes after you added everything. Bonus tip: a great way to do this is by putting the wings in some tupperware, pouring the sauce over them, and shaking the whole thing like a Polaroid picture.

Put them all on a big plate with some celery and let them cool for a few (5-10) minutes before you eat them. MMMM super tasty! Enjoy.