Eggs Beanaddict

Bonjour Blog Beneficiaries,

How do you folks feel about beans? Avocados? Eggs? Whoa! Eggs?

Sorry, vegans, this one has eggs. But it’s the summer! If you live in the New Brunswick/Highland Parky area, you can buy your eggs from Suydam Farms at the weekly Friday Highland Park Farmer’s Market! I’ve visited that place! It’s full of happy chickens milling aimlessly about and, presumably, pushing eggs through their highly natural healthy unhurried eggshoots. Local and humane, I exclaim!

If you don’t jump off the bean breakfast boat because of the yolks in the water, let me tell you the wonders of the avocado bean-based eggy breakfast I have prepared for you. Everything’s super simple, but you need three stovetop burners and a toaster.

Serves 2 hungry boys.

Ok, gather:

Challach Bread (from Ofi Yofi or whatever bakeshop you have. Or sub in some sweet white airy bread of your choice).

8 eggs (EIGHT!).

1 can of vegetarian baked beans.

2 sticks of Earth Balance (or butter, for butter eaters).

2 tbsp cold H20

1 pinch of Cayenne pepper and

1 pinch of Salt.

2 tsp lemon juice.

1T vinegar, white (or apple cider) (or whatever).

Ok, this gets a bit hectic. START by preparing everything that’s you can leave for a bit:

1. Put some water on to boil. Add the vinegar to the water. You won’t need this until it’s all boily.
2. Put the beans on low heat. They just need to warm up.
3. Slice the challach bread and put it in the toaster but DON’T start it because YOU WANT IT WARM at the end. Did I catch you? Whew. This is, like, major.
4. Slice up the avocado.
• How do you do that? I’ve run into a bunch of Californians who chop it in half and then hack into the stone to remove it. They proceed to slice it inside the skin with their knife WHILE STILL HOLDING THAT FUNKYASS GREEN FRUIT IN THEIR HAND!! Everything just falls out. This is scary and dangerous. Do you like to live on the wild side? Are you adult supervised? Cool isn’t always safe: be advised.
5. Cut the sticks of Earth Balance into little chunks.
   

Things you can leave for a bit

Now things get crazy. Take two of the eggs. Crack them, open them up, and hold them in two halves with the yolk in one half. Remove the white by draining it out and then plopping the yolk from one side of the eggshell to the other.

Yolks, folks.

Now put the yolks in a saucepan and beat the placenta out of them. Add the lemon juice, salt, water, and pepper. Put them on low heat (a double boiler works best) and IMMEDIATELY add the first few chunks of Earth Balance WHILE STILL BEATING (I know I use allcaps way too much, but trust me, this is vital). As each couple chunks of earth balance melts, add another few, beating constantly. ALSO IMPORTANT: don’t let the eggs firm up. You aren’t making scrambled eggs here, you’re making Hollandaise Sauce. Oh, did I not mention that? Are you done now? Is all the butter melted in?

Yoooou’ve just made a MOTHERSAUCE! Way to go! I’m so proud of you! Cut the heat off so that it doesn’t harden and cover it to keep it warm.

Beatin' the Hollandaise.

If you have a third hand or an sou chef, start the bread toasting midway through this superlative saucemaking and start cracking the remaining six eggs and putting them in the vinegar-water mixture. These will be the poached eggs. Let the poaching eggs sit in the water 3-5 minutes, depending on how much you’re watching the clock and how runny you want the insides. Then scoop them out with one of those ladles with little vents at the bottom, or whatever you have handy, remembering throughout that boiling water burns hands.

Ok, here’s what you have now: toast, avocado, beans (remember the beans?), poached eggs, and hollandaise sauce. Put them on a plate, one on top of the other, in that order. Yay! You’re done! Stick a fork in it, then stick that fork in your mouth—savory success.